How To Step Up To Difficult Conversations And Confront The People Who Drive You Crazy
Topics: Toxic people, confrontation, difficult conversations, communication in the workplace
If you search for Toxic People on Google you will find several million sites. That is a lot of toxicity! You may well be working and living with some of these toxic people right now. You can recognise them quite easily.
There is the victim; the one who blames and complains about everything he is unhappy with in his life; his job, his marriage, the suburb where he lives, his boss and everyone else around him. He shares his frustrations with anyone who will listen, and even with those who do not. But he takes no steps to resolve any of it. His favourite phrase, and one he uses constantly is, Yes – but.
There are the needy ones whose conversations centre entirely on themselves, draining energy and life out of everyone around them. They may tell you that they like your company because you are a positive person, unaware of the negative effect they personally have on others. How about the person who is always right, about everything, and loses no opportunity to tell you? A conversation with her is so exhausting that you give up any thought of arguing and nod, dumbly, until she has finished.
Maybe you have the boss who is very quick to criticize but has never been known to give praise. He tells you that his feedback is for your own good, even when it is given with accusation and sarcasm. Not surprisingly, your self esteem takes a nose dive each time each time he reprimands you and puts you down in front of your colleagues. Your job performance is dropping and you are wondering whether you can last out the year.
Our densely planned, highly pressurized workplaces and suburbs are breeding grounds for these kinds of toxic behaviours, but it is up to you to decide just how much pushing around you will tolerate. Listing the people around you and identifying what they do that gets to you, is a first step. You have to recognize your own boundaries. What is negotiable for you and what is not? What can you tolerate and what has to stop? It is not easy to confront toxic people, but the alternative is to allow them to make you miserable, frustrated, confused and angry. In the end you allow them to seriously damage your health.
Before you step up to a difficult conversation you need to plan it carefully. There are three main steps.
First, decide on the words you will use to describe exactly what has been said or done that causes you distress. If there has been a pattern of toxic behaviour give more than one example so the other person can also see the pattern.
Secondly, explain how you feel about the situation. Be direct. Be honest. Start with, I feel, so there is no chance you will accuse by saying, You made me feel.
Thirdly, invite the other person to respond to what you have said. This is the crux of the confrontation, when you ask them to be accountable for their behaviour.
At the point the conversation may move into dialogue and you may be able to discuss the problem openly. This is the outcome most likely to lead to a proper resolution of the issue. But even if this does not happen, you have sent the person a very strong signal that you are aware of the behaviour, that you find it distressful, and that you are not afraid to confront it.
People who have never received feedback like this before may have no idea of their negative impact on others. If they have some care for their relationship with you, behaviour change can be virtually immediate, with an occasional reminder as time goes on. With others, it may take a lot longer and you may have to revisit the conversation a number of times.
You have to weigh up each toxic situation in which you find yourself. What will its effect be on you if you say nothing, and how much will be at stake if you speak up? Toxic people can make your life unbearable. To tolerate or to confront: the choice is yours.
Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people.
Get free Straight Talk Tips. www.straight-talk.co.za
Previous Articles Highlighter:
How To Book Train Travel From Newport (1)
Printed tickets and National rail enquiries use the suffix South Wales to differentiate this station from its namesake in Essex. Newport is currently served by three train operating companies: Arriva Trains Wales, CrossCountry and First Great Western Arriva Trains Wales operate hourly services between Cardiff Central and Manchester Piccadilly, with some trains extended beyond Cardiff to Swansea, Carmarthen or Milford Haven.
Model Boats Aren't Just Toys (2)
Topics: model boats, collecting model boats As people age it seems that they have less toys. Some people look forward to having children so that they can play with cool toys again.
How To Choose The Rent House Or Flat That Is Right For You (3)
If you are ready to start a family renting a house with an extra room will be a good idea. If you are single with no plans of engagement and paying less for flat rent could save you money.
How Can You Make Money Online Fast - The Best Kept Secrets (4)
The worst salesman drives a tiny car that has no air-con. If you are worse than the worst salesman, your conversion rate is 0.1%. This means out of a 1000 people only 1 person buys from you.
How To Start Making Money On The Internet - Starting From Scratch (5)
How can you make money online? Learn from the experts, make money and re-invest the money on more stuff which would make you even more money. With small successes and more tools, you can learn better and more effective techniques and test a new niche market faster to make good money.
How Can I Make Money On The Internet - The Affiliate Marketing Way (6)
You get paid a commission on anything that people buy. A lot of newbies started with affiliate marketing because they do not need a lot of experience. They never have to crack their brains because everything you need is available for free.
The 4-W'S Of Water Damage Restoration (7)
Procedures can vary from natural drying-out of the item under the sun, or through the use of air blowers and dehumidifiers to hasten drying if putting the item under the sun is not possible.
How To Start Making Money On The Internet - The Mindset (8)
Believe it or not, you are doing the right thing because that is what all the successful internet marketers have gone through. That is why they understand how disappointing it is to have so little success after so much effort they put in.
How To Resolve Communication Problems With Colleagues So You Work Together More Effectively (9)
Then think through what has happened that has given rise to your concerns. Was it something that someone said, or did not say? Was it an event, or a situation in which you found yourself?
Reviews Of Train In Stoke-on-Trent (10)
It is located on the Stafford to Manchester branch of the West Coast Main Line and serves the Staffordshire city of Stoke-on-Trent. The station also provides an interchange between various local services running through Cheshire, Staffordshire and Derbyshire.
Newer Articles Highlighter:
Get Online Information For Train To Derby (1)
The Derby Canal had been opened in 1793 but, due to financial restrictions placed on it by Parliament, and the complex local politics of the day it had not been a resounding success.
Brief Review Of Bus Rental Services (2)
The Coimbatore Junction is well connected to major Indian cities like Chennai, Bangalore, New Delhi and Mumbai, besides to the neighbouring State of Kerala. The city has six major arterial roads and three National Highways, NH to 47 (Kanyakumari to Salem), NH to 67 (Mysore to Nagappattinam) and NH 209 (Bangalore to Dindigul).
Hybrid Cars Are The Future Of Transportation (3)
Topics: call center, call center philippines, call center outsourcing, philippine call center The idea of having an electric powered car was a ridiculous thing in the past. But with the fuel crisis today and the decline in the economy many people are turning to this kind of technology to be able to save money in buying gasoline.
What Can A Small Business Blog Do For You? (4)
Having a blog enables you to socialize and get to know those who are interested in what you have to offer. The benefit of this is you can gain the trust of others.
What Are The Basics For Affiliate Success? (5)
Affiliate marketing costs are usually low. If you have checked that the sites are genuine, you can learn as you go. You can experiment with marketing methods until you find those that return a profit.
Last Minute Holiday Savings Is So Last Year (6)
So in the fast moving travel industry, a trend away from last minute holidays as the savings weren't there to the same extent as in previous years could be back as quickly as it went as other considerations factor in - such as a travel company's ability to survive a recession, and medium size travel firms could be squeezed as holidaymakers place their faith in the biggest companies, hoping that the chances of them being able to fulfil a holiday are higher.
The Best Creative Wedding Gift Idea (7)
This creative gift stands out from the traditional picture frame because it includes a photo and is ready for immediate display. Having several weddings on the horizon within my own family, I thought it would be nice to share some of the creative wedding ideas that have been discussed to help make your wedding perfect and distinctive.
Cosmetic Dentistry Changes More Than Your Smile (8)
Tooth color and shading are very important considerations during the evaluation and preparation for many different procedures, including porcelain veneers and dental implants. Aligning for Success: Crooked, overlapping, or gapping teeth can also be straightened when necessary through orthodontics and improved with veneers.
The Elegance Of The Japanese Alphabet (9)
There are a number of changes that can take place with the Japanese alphabet characters, such as the dakuten and handakuten. These modifications typically result in different sounds and meanings of characters.
Brief Review Of Bus From Goa (10)
In large towns such as Panjim and Margao, intra city buses ply. However, public transport in Goa is less developed, and residents depend heavily on their own transport, usually motorised two-wheelers.
Permalink to How To Step Up To Difficult Conversations And Confront The People Who Drive You Crazy