How To Step Up To Difficult Conversations And Confront The People Who Drive You Crazy
Topics: Toxic people, confrontation, difficult conversations, communication in the workplace
If you search for Toxic People on Google you will find several million sites. That is a lot of toxicity! You may well be working and living with some of these toxic people right now. You can recognise them quite easily.
There is the victim; the one who blames and complains about everything he is unhappy with in his life; his job, his marriage, the suburb where he lives, his boss and everyone else around him. He shares his frustrations with anyone who will listen, and even with those who do not. But he takes no steps to resolve any of it. His favourite phrase, and one he uses constantly is, Yes – but.
There are the needy ones whose conversations centre entirely on themselves, draining energy and life out of everyone around them. They may tell you that they like your company because you are a positive person, unaware of the negative effect they personally have on others. How about the person who is always right, about everything, and loses no opportunity to tell you? A conversation with her is so exhausting that you give up any thought of arguing and nod, dumbly, until she has finished.
Maybe you have the boss who is very quick to criticize but has never been known to give praise. He tells you that his feedback is for your own good, even when it is given with accusation and sarcasm. Not surprisingly, your self esteem takes a nose dive each time each time he reprimands you and puts you down in front of your colleagues. Your job performance is dropping and you are wondering whether you can last out the year.
Our densely planned, highly pressurized workplaces and suburbs are breeding grounds for these kinds of toxic behaviours, but it is up to you to decide just how much pushing around you will tolerate. Listing the people around you and identifying what they do that gets to you, is a first step. You have to recognize your own boundaries. What is negotiable for you and what is not? What can you tolerate and what has to stop? It is not easy to confront toxic people, but the alternative is to allow them to make you miserable, frustrated, confused and angry. In the end you allow them to seriously damage your health.
Before you step up to a difficult conversation you need to plan it carefully. There are three main steps.
First, decide on the words you will use to describe exactly what has been said or done that causes you distress. If there has been a pattern of toxic behaviour give more than one example so the other person can also see the pattern.
Secondly, explain how you feel about the situation. Be direct. Be honest. Start with, I feel, so there is no chance you will accuse by saying, You made me feel.
Thirdly, invite the other person to respond to what you have said. This is the crux of the confrontation, when you ask them to be accountable for their behaviour.
At the point the conversation may move into dialogue and you may be able to discuss the problem openly. This is the outcome most likely to lead to a proper resolution of the issue. But even if this does not happen, you have sent the person a very strong signal that you are aware of the behaviour, that you find it distressful, and that you are not afraid to confront it.
People who have never received feedback like this before may have no idea of their negative impact on others. If they have some care for their relationship with you, behaviour change can be virtually immediate, with an occasional reminder as time goes on. With others, it may take a lot longer and you may have to revisit the conversation a number of times.
You have to weigh up each toxic situation in which you find yourself. What will its effect be on you if you say nothing, and how much will be at stake if you speak up? Toxic people can make your life unbearable. To tolerate or to confront: the choice is yours.
Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people.
Get free Straight Talk Tips. www.straight-talk.co.za
Previous Articles Highlighter:
How To Book Train Travel From Newport (1)
The main station entrance is located on Queensway, and a small section of road known as Station Approach links this to the High Street. The station was originally opened in 1850 by the South Wales Railway Company and was greatly expanded in 1928.
Model Boats Aren't Just Toys (2)
Consider taking up the hobby or picking other toys for your collection, don't let all the painstaking effort put into it go to waste. Victor Epand is an expert consultant about model boats, boat parts, and model submarines.
How To Choose The Rent House Or Flat That Is Right For You (3)
Rent a house that suits you the best this is what Alex Paterson has to say in his website Plets.co.uk. Get a fantastic 2-3 or even 5 bed roomed townhouse with beautiful Beach view.
How Can You Make Money Online Fast - The Best Kept Secrets (4)
This means out of a 1000 people only 1 person buys from you. Imagine you meet 30 persons a day and you have to do it for 1 full month before you earn enough money to pay for burger.
How To Start Making Money On The Internet - Starting From Scratch (5)
If you want to learn how to make money online, we have compiled a free video for you to follow the easy steps. Sign Up Now, and we will give you 2 more videos to help you to start your internet business to make money online at once.
How Can I Make Money On The Internet - The Affiliate Marketing Way (6)
You don't have to go to the office in suit and tie in the hot humid weather. Yon don't have to work overtime when you want to go home to have dinner with your family.
The 4-W'S Of Water Damage Restoration (7)
4. Who can perform water damage restoration? These activities, although cumbersome, are quite simple and basic in nature. These can be performed by the homeowners themselves without the use of highly sophisticated machines and equipments.
How To Start Making Money On The Internet - The Mindset (8)
There can be various reasons. Maybe you are following the right methods. Maybe you are not focused enough. And also there is always a learning curve to go through.
How To Resolve Communication Problems With Colleagues So You Work Together More Effectively (9)
Was it an event, or a situation in which you found yourself? Think of recent examples that everyone can relate to. Be concise and specific. Then plan how you will describe your feelings about the situation.
Reviews Of Train In Stoke-on-Trent (10)
On this platform are the main buildings, refreshment room and bar which sells cigarettes, newspapers and a selection of magazines, free CCTV-covered cycle-locking racks, a post box, free newly refurbished toilets for both ladies and gentlemen, a refurbished waiting room, a first class lounge with Wi-Fi and offices for the British Transport Police.
Newer Articles Highlighter:
Get Online Information For Train To Derby (1)
The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle (c. 900) says that Derby is divided by water. These areas of land were known as Norworkig (Northworthy north enclosure) and Deoraby, and were at the Irongate (North) side of Derby [citation needed].
Brief Review Of Bus Rental Services (2)
As water gushed out from the roots of the marudha tree, the Siddha leaped in joy, glorifying Muruga as the Lord of Marudha and Jalam (water) with the passage of time, Marudhajalapathi became Marudhachalapathy.
Hybrid Cars Are The Future Of Transportation (3)
Instead, when these cars are running through its gasoline engine, the mechanical energy is then automatically converted to electrical energy which is now used to charge the batteries inside the car which powers the electric engine.
What Can A Small Business Blog Do For You? (4)
If you truly want to have success with your small business blog and generate traffic to your web site, it is vital you make at least one post a day.
What Are The Basics For Affiliate Success? (5)
Affiliate marketing costs are usually low. If you have checked that the sites are genuine, you can learn as you go. You can experiment with marketing methods until you find those that return a profit.
Last Minute Holiday Savings Is So Last Year (6)
Those holidays were on average a thousand pounds (around US 1700 dollars) higher in cost for those who had waited to book last minute, compared to those who had booked a year in advance, changing the trend of the holidays market in Europe from the previous five years.
The Best Creative Wedding Gift Idea (7)
One way to do this is to purchase a large frame and insert an inexpensive print that the couple will appreciate or a blown up picture of the two of them.
Cosmetic Dentistry Changes More Than Your Smile (8)
A Full Set: Missing teeth can be replaced by dental implants, bridges, or partial dentures. Contoured for Look: Uneven teeth can be bonded for better looking appearance. Gummy smiles can be re-contoured to help improve the overall look of ones smile.
The Elegance Of The Japanese Alphabet (9)
One of the best strategies that people use to learn the kana is to associated mnemonics with each of the hiragana and katakana Japanese alphabet characters. An example would be examining the character 'tsu' and associating it with a tsunami wave.
Brief Review Of Bus From Goa (10)
These buses tend to be packed with passengers during peak hours and there are some non stop shuttle mini bus services as well, connecting cities like Panjim, Margao, Vasco and Ponda.
Permalink to How To Step Up To Difficult Conversations And Confront The People Who Drive You Crazy